If he's cooking for her he likes more than just her membership in the bothare culture. XD
Yeeeeaaah he's going to have some work getting her to see that. Because all she sees is an Agent aka A BASTARD. So far, anyway :D
Prejudice works both ways, whether justified or not. In her case it's clearly got grains (or bucketfuls of grains) of truth. Let's see what the case is for the other side.
Oh don't worry, you will. And you're right; that's one of the major themes I want to explore in Parmeshen, the vicious circle between a minority culture feeling wronged and the majority. Often minority people act tough with outsiders because they EXPECT cruelty, and unfortunately that causes others to react unfavorably, and you can see how that ends up.